A look at intimacy and commitment issues

Intimacy is a sense of comfortability and closeness that we share with each other. You can experience all types of intimacy throughout your life. It is a multi-faceted thing. To be deeply intimate can be a very difficult thing for a lot of people. In this article, we are going to discuss different types of intimacy, different levels of intimacy and lack thereof. When we talk about intimacy, people often jump to one of the most exciting forms-sexual intimacy. Although that oxytocin rush feels great, I believe there is a lot more importance to other types of intimacy. People often can mistake sex as checking all of the intimacy boxes, when so often it does not. There are four types of intimacy: emotional, physical, spiritual and mental. I'd also like to note that, I'm talking about intimacy between friends and family in this article. Not just relationship intimacy. The twelve areas of intimacy 1. Recreation: sharing experiences of fun, sport and recreation 2. Aesthetic: sharing experiences of beauty, film, music etc 3. Intellectual: discussing, reading, respectful debating 4. Commitment: togetherness derived from a common cause. Example: volunteering 5. Work: sharing of common tasks or projects to work together 6. Communication: talking to each other, sharing things openly and honestly 7. Crisis: closeness with dealing with pain and problems 8. Emotional: sharing of significant feelings about oneself 9. Creative: to be co-creators 10. Conflict: facing and struggling with differences together 11. Spiritual: the meaning of life, philosophies etc 12. Sexual: the physical merging of two people Ultimately, intimacy is different for each person. For example, hugging can be seen as an intimate thing reserved for close friends only, where other people will hug anybody. Certain people crave certain intimacy and some people crave intimacy more than others. Although, even if you are the most introverted human you will desire and receive intimacy at many points of your life.

Commitment Issues People who have commitment issues tend to push intimacy away. This could be a cause of many different reasons. I think it mainly comes from emotional instability and pain. When it comes down the crux of things, to be truly intimate with someone you have to connect with them on many levels, you share parts of yourself with that other person because you feel safe and secure to do so. You have risked having your ego shattered, you have trusted that person with intimate details about yourself and your life. When you have put all of those things on the line, and then are betrayed, you can understand why people have commitment issues. We live in such a cruel world at times, that protecting ourselves is the only thing that we think we should do, but it's the exact opposite. I believe that vulnerability is beautiful. It is a risk that many people avoid to take. I think it is fundamental to people growing as human beings, and crucial for expanding self knowledge. It can feel so great to be intimate with someone, whether that be a relationship or a friendship. Commitment issues are person specific and there is no way in being able to speak for every case, but there are some tell tale signs for you that you can keep an eye on. Generally commitment issues can stem from some sort of trauma, upbringing, personality disorder or a bad breakup. People believe that commitment issues are only due to a lack of willingness to commit, but it can be the opposite also. Somebody wanting to commit too quickly, for example is also a sign. Some of the signs in telling someone has commitment issues Speech habits A person's subconscious can be a dead give away. The person will tend to overuse some words and under use others. An example of this would be them being hesitant in saying the world "love". Another example is the person will use non definite words such as "might" or "if nothing comes up". Which leads us to our next sign. Reluctance to make plans (this speaks for itself) Fear of being trapped They talk about others losing themselves in a relationship in a negative way, could indicate that they are afraid of taking things more seriously. They may be feeling that they could lose their identity going forward with a relationship. Self Centred Behaviour If they consistently refer to themselves and 'their' plans instead of 'our' plans. Dealing with your own or dealing with somebody else's commitment issues Just because somebody doesn't want to be in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that they have these issues. The ultimate goal is happiness and if that doesn't involve somebody else then so be it. If it is an issue for you or somebody else, communication is what will get you through at the end of the day. If the other person, isn't willing to talk it through then that means that they aren't ready yet and that they will need more time to learn and grow. It's a crazy rollercoaster of a life we live, remember to always be kind and understanding of your fellow humans.